The Emperor Wears No Clothes!!

or

Deconstructed furniture?

I know you all have heard the term "deconstructed" food. But for those of you who are still confused here is a description of what it is: deconstructed dishes may take the foods that are normally combined in the dish, change their forms, and then plate them together in a different way. It's not just about taking the dish apart, but putting its elements back together.

Well now deconstruction has gone a step further! Yes, we are here to report that Restoration Hardware now has a Deconstructed Collection.

Here is their description of their new line: "Inspired by their grandfather's mid 19th century wing chair - liberated from its ancient red velvet upholstery and its frame elegantly exposed - the Van Thiel family set out to replicate its unadorned state finding great beauty in the stripped-down form. They expanded the concept to include other seating styles, meticulously hand crafting them to reveal the old world artistry of their inner workings, authentic character belies sturdy comfort and resilience. A heavily distressed solid walnut frame, accented with nail heads, and whip stitching, is complemented by the rich texture of burlap and antiqued cotton upholstery for a lived in look. Uniquely one of a kind. This furniture is for all ages."

You too can have furniture that is not finished - yes we mean not finished - for only a mere few thousand dollars. You did indeed read correctly. It is mind boggling.

I ask you, "Who would want furniture in their home that has the "guts" showing. Bad pun here but it would take guts to have your furniture showing off its guts.

I thought the point of having wonderful pieces of furniture in your home was to show off picture perfect style, fabulous material that was "covering" all of the piece, and literally feel how comfortable something was when you sat down on it. Yes, that "Oh I love this" feeling that comes over one when they see a beautiful piece of furniture!

Since when has burlap become high design flaunt? Since when does the "lived in look" (their terminology not mine) which to them is not finishing a chair or couch considered wonderful? I would think that Restoration Hardware was playing a joke on all of us if they hadn't spent the big bucks sending out a 654 page catalogue to a lot of people.

Is anyone out there saying The Emperor is wearing no clothes? Where are all of the designers? Does no one except the School of Flaunt think this is ridiculous?

In looking at this "Stuff" again, and please remember what George Carlin called stuff, I still can't wrap my mind around this.

Please send me to Scalamandre: A destination since 1929 for connoisseurs of fine design and all things beautiful, Scalamandre's beloved signature classics, as well as its fresh new collections, infuse style, elegance and vitality to the rooms of today and tomorrow. A standard bearer of imported and domestic fine textiles, Scalamandre continues its legacy of traditional, historic, classic and contemporary designs creating luxurious, high-end fabrics, wallcoverings, trims, furnishings and accessories.

Sorry Restoration Hardware but this gets a big F in the School of Flaunt!

Alexandra

P.S. I do happen to enjoy Restoration Hardware products otherwise. And in fact there furniture can be very comfy.

10 June 2010

The Connaught

Carlos Place

London W1K 2AL, United Kingdom

Dearest Smythe and Cadbury-Clarke,

London is lovely as always. A wee bit of rain broken up by the most pleasant human beings on the planet; one can't complain without feeling that you've insulted a nation!

I've just finished luncheon with Charles and Bunny Broughton. They send their very best and insist you call when you're next in town. Their new townhouse is a charmer; I'm sure you've had the "tour" so I'll save my "Oh's" and "Ah's" till we're face to face, cocktails in hand. But maybe just a snippet of a comment on Bunnies insistence on populating those glorious rooms with her sad collection of world weary potted plants. Honestly, you'd think the woman actually had a green thumb from the number of these sad specimens! It must have been those long months living in California (one never does recover from all that sun) for I've never understood Bunnies determination to "bring the outdoors in." Invariably the beauty is lost in translation leaving one's home populated by scraggy, ill-potted, lifeless limbs screaming for the compost pile. Not to say that the desire to fill a lonely corner with a stunning botanical specimen is an erroneous one, but, if you ask me, the rub falls into one of the following categories (yes, Dear Ones, I've gone and climbed upon my soapbox): * The Scale. Nothing gets swallowed by space with same speed and consistency as do potted plants. That "tree" that seemed expansive when you shoe-horned it into the back of your Jaguar suddenly looks like a twig-in-a-thimble when dropped next to a window or fireplace. Who knew? If one is determined to live in a jungle I suppose you'd know you have the scale right when four strapping, sweaty delivery men are required to haul the tree off a flat-bed truck. Don't kid yourself Kittens. Size matters. * The Container. If you've prevailed in the purchase of a mighty sequoia (or a merely magnificent fichus) with all your might resist the inclination to thoughtlessly "pick-up" an ugly plastic container. Much like a good shoe, a container will make or break the entire ensemble.

* The Care. As with many items around the house proper care enhances and extends the life and enjoyment of prized possessions. Think of all the hard work you darlings have put into your husband's. Would you leave either of those helpless creatures parched for days on end, lacking proper cleaning and feeding? Would you allow those spindly branches to feebly reach upwards without benefit of your caring and nurturing touch? Well, maybe so, but that's not the point. Plants need your care. They need it daily. They will die abruptly and pitifully -- a haunting testimony to your less than mediocre attentions. And unlike your dear hubbies who can stumble around for quite awhile without your doting; these little snippets of Mama Nature are toast without you.

Truth be told, my Dear Ones, other than the plants the house was simply lovely. Suppose I must add this to my little list of "Things I Hate-"? Shocking how long that list has grown!

Must dash and change; the cocktail hour approaches. Trust the 'School' is flourishing under your wise guidance!

Hugs and kisses

James

Clunkers

Or

What are you wearing?

I recently posted a beautiful dress on my Fb page. As many of you know I love fashion and beautiful things. Oh just had a flash back, I had a hand writing expert on flight years ago and she said after analyzing my hand writing that I loved things and beauty. Ha- who knew? But that is another blog about that woman. She was veeery interesting! PhD in Psychology and taught at the college level.

Anyway, one of my Fb friends Marilyn Trainor Storey who is the designer behind MS Design Maven, www.msdesignmaven, saw a comment of mine on Fb about getting out of those tennis sneakers and made a comment back that she called them Clunkers. I simply loved that! They are clunkers and only look good in your Tennis whites. Which we all know now, those white outfits are rather passé. The Williams sisters made sure of that. But the point here students is that unless you are really going outside to your own courts or off to the club keep the clunkers off your beautiful manicured toenails!

Now let me give you a perfect example of clunkers and Dowdy! Mr. Smythe and I went to our favorite little Mexican restaurant recently for dinner. We parked the car and walked around to the front door of the restaurant to be greeted with a vision of a woman who was getting into her big new Mercedes. Was the vision good? NO!!

Here is someone who can afford to drive a new Mercedes, carry the biggest Louis Vuitton bag I think I have ever seen, and what was on her feet? You guessed it Clunkers!!

She had on jeans, which we have no problem with since you can rock a great pair of jeans with a fabulous belt, blouse and obviously NO clunkers.

But it gets even worse!! How could it? Oh trust me on this one it was even worse than the pair of Clunkers!

Her jeans were too big and definitely too long; they were rolled up at the ankles, showing off her Clunkers and socks. Yes my eyes had immediately been drawn to her feet and then they proceeded to take in the rest of the look. She had on an oversized jacket that looked like it should really be her husband's and the hair! OMG students! What have we told you in the School of Flaunt Handbook? LOOK IN THE MIRROR!! It does not lie!

She had hair down to about three inches past her shoulders, grey, stringy, and looked like it had a bad perm for it had that little wavy thing going on! I did not want to stare but I think she needed to go to the Chanel counter for a makeover too. Probably a good guess, just saying.

Students, I would rather see you in an Eco friendly car, like a Ford Fiesta, looking great than driving a Mercedes (where she obviously spent all of her money) and looking terrible.

Now I would like to add here that we at the School of Flaunt do not subscribe to the theory of judging a book by its cover but many do. This woman probably was a lovely person but it was hidden under that ugly get-up (I refuse to call it an outfit) and that hair and NO makeup look! Please we are begging you here, only wear your Clunkers on the court or when NO one can see you. Get a makeover and start looking in the mirror! Merci!

Note to myself: I will have to start carrying copies of The School of Flaunt Handbook in the car to pass out. Oh this is an uphill fight! Puhleese don't let me know that you haven't purchased yet! www.schoolofflaunt.com

XO,

Alexandra

Please Pray For Roberto

This morning Roberto is undergoing open heart surgery in New Orleans. Please pray for his quick recovery and return to good health. Much love to Roberto and his wife, Christiana.

See Divas' Diaries on New Orleans for more on Roberto and Christiana.

God Bless,

Cate

Dubai Part 3

Dubai shopping offers amazing opportunities. The age-old souks, ultra-modern shopping malls and promise of tax-free prices redefine the whole concept of retail therapy. Dubai is known as the shopping capital of the Middle East, and the best bargains are generally in the souks. Even luxury items such as carpets, electronics, gold and textiles can be bought relatively cheaply if you know where to look when you are shopping in Dubai. No wonder that for many, Dubai shopping is practically a way of life.

Alexandra has just read me the above.

Alexandra: "Well, let's go do some retail therapy! After being man-handled by those jewel thieves, I need something to take my mind off this nasty business! If Mr. Smythe knew what had happened here we would all be in trouble! I can see him now cutting off my credit cards." We both start laughing, like that is ever going to happen in our lifetimes! I almost hate to leave this suite, it is really amazing!"

Cate: "I just called for a car. We can take Mummy and Evelyn with us as we check out the best malls in the world. Care to ski?" Alexandra is rolling her eyes now and laughing.

And that is what we did! Laden with lovely packages from the most exquisite shopping I have ever seen, we had to buy luggage for our return flight.

Note: Mummy and Evelyn did not ski but they put on skies and had their pictures taken. I heard Mummy saying something about, "Wouldn't this picture be fun for the Christmas card this year." Those two, yes they might be the death of me and my father but they are worth their weight in gold and more!

The rest of the short trip was spent quietly around the hotel, other than seeing the sites with the Hotel Manager. He was still so concerned about our nasty experience.

Fast Forward!

We have just put Mummy and Evelyn on their flight back to England.

Alexandra: "Whew! At least they are safe and sound. And finally on their way home! Even though I have to admit I was a bit afraid of those men, when your Mother stepped on that pig's foot with her Louboutin heels I wanted to cheer! One should never tick off Mummy!"

Cate: "Or you either my dear! Your screams could be heard probably all over the city! But the good news is my father is meeting their arrival at Heathrow and all has ended well. What do they say? All's well that ends well? Thank you for being my BFF!"

Alexandra: "Well my dear it is always another adventure where Mummy is involved. I've got a really good idea." And then she gives me her wink! "Let's explore the airport; I hear the shopping here is nothing short of heaven!" We both break out in galls of laughter and link arms, as we proceed to saunter down the concourse for just one more hour of retail therapy before they call our flight!

So now after more retail therapy, two showers, and four meals later, we are home. What an adventure! I think I will stay put for a bit!

XOXO,

Cate

Dubai Part 2

Alexandra was immediately responding to the Body Guard restraint with blood curdling screams! (She is so good at that!)

Note: From our flight attendant days and emergency training they told us to say and do anything that would get them off of the plane in 90 seconds or less! I once heard Alexandra in an emergency situation scream the following; "Hey you, Lady! Haul ass! NOW!" It worked! She hauled ass off of that plane immediately.

But I digressed: Out of nowhere came Hotel Security and the Manager with a stern faced heading our way.

Manager: "Unhand this lady! How dare you?" Security has now pulled out guns! Body guards now back off, looking to their "Boss" for guidance.

Robed Man: "I am Saudi Royalty! How dare you treat me and my entourage this way?" He is steaming! Mother and Evelyn are still sipping their drinks, blue eyes darting back and forth! Suddenly, they recognize Alexandra and me!

Mummy: "Cate! Alexandra! Whaaaat???" She is cut off, when the Saudi Prince grabs Mummy by the arm now!

Saudi Prince: "She is coming with me! No one will get hurt! Now back off and bring me my Bentley!" At this, I realize by the look on Mummy's face that my mother is noting he is royalty and drives a fine automobile. But also no one grabs Mummy by the arm! And we mean NO ONE! Bentley be damned!

Cate: "Oh no you don't," as I push my way over to this brute! "Unhand my mother!!! She is married, you know!"

I now see that the armed Hotel Security have the Saudis surrounded. The Manager raises his hand to calm the situation.

Manager: "You are NO Royal Prince!! We know exactly who you are!! An international jewel thief! We have been tracking you and your thugs. You are not a Saudi, but a low life thief!"

My mother immediately grabs her neck to make sure her ruby necklace is still in tact! It is, but now she roars!

(Small aside: Never travel with good jewelry!)

Mummy: "How dare you!" With this she proceeds to slam her Loubiton red heel into the Jewel Thief's instep! Wincing in pain, he releases Mother and is grabbed by Hotel Security and led away with his minions.

Alexandra: "Oh my Lord! This is the last thing I thought I would be doing in Dubai! I think I need a drink now."

Manager: "Ladies, please accept my apologies, The Hotel Burj Al Arab is now at your service! You will be upgraded to our finest suites, all at the Hotel expense! Now may I accompany you to a quiet table for dinner?"

Mummy: "Why thank you sir. We accept your apologies and kind offer. Now come on girls it is time for dinner. Where is Evelyn?"

Evelyn is now trying to get up out of the lounge chair and we quickly offer her our hands to get her to an upright position!

Evelyn: "I'm staaaarving." Hiccup

Mummy: "Evelyn dahling, you will be fine as soon as you get some food in your stomach."

Meanwhile Cate has now gone over to her mother and put her arms around her.

Cate: "Oh Mother I'm so glad you are OK! What if we hadn't been here?"

Mummy: "And what exactly are the two of you doing here?"

To Be Continued

Dubai Part 1

After three or four meals, two showers each, (we just loved the Shower Spa in First Class), Alexandra and I have landed in Dubai. We have now rested and studied local etiquette at the Hotel Heaven of the Burj Al Arab!

Extraordinarily lavish, the Burj Al Arab bills itself as the world's only Seven Star hotel. Every floor at the Burj has its own reception desk, and butler service! All rooms are duplexes! Well we are in love! This hotel does not disappoint. We have decided to tour the hotel with the Manager! He was quick to extend this kind invitation!

The Burj Al Arab features and elegantly contoured sail-shaped exterior and highly extravagant interiors. Dancing fountains, vast aquariums, vivid carpet designs, plenty of gold trim and a startlingly blue-hued atrium all conspire to make the Burj Al Arab a feast for the eyes.

We are assured that the security is stringent at the gate; non guests may enter only if reserving a table at one of the various restaurants, all of which are excellent! Sounds like a Flaunt Fabulous Find! Then I remind myself we note this hotel in The School of Flaunt Handbook!!

Our tour was coming to an end at the Beach and Marina, when we spotted our prey: MUMMY!.

There she was entertaining many guests with stories and laughter! Evelyn was sipping something blue and Mummy had a large bottle of something. Hope this is OK? Oh, yes, it is the Boodles! Amazing, this hotel has everything! I am reminded by Alexandra that alcohol is OK at a Hotel.

We make our way behind the palm trees to eavesdrop on the glittering conversationalist.

By the way, they are in caftans, very long, flowing and flowery! We would not have been able to find them in Burkas, other than my mother and Evelyn both have BLUE EYES! (Something of a rarity in UAE.)

Conversation:

Mummy: "Yes, and I said to HRH, Darling Highness, you must not ride side saddle, it's far too dangerous for our age. Hips, you know?"

Laughter

Mummy: "She has thanked me ever since. Tells me often how I just SAVED her life and limbs! She really is a divine rider. Love to hunt with HRH!"

Small aside: Mother has not ridden with HRH since the 50's. Although, they are friends.

Mummy: "So many tales and so little time. Now where should one have dinner in this town?"

Evelyn: Hiccupping, "I am starrrrving!"

Small aside: I have never seen Evelyn tipsy! Will have to keep a close eye on these two.

Dashing Man in long robes and headdress: "My dear Clarrissa, you must dine with me!"

Large Aside: This guy is older, handsome and apparently my mother is interested!! Oh No! What about Daddy? What about all those tales of white slavers? Well, we were assured of the safety for women here, but remembering that being "friendly" could be taken the "wrong" way by locals.

Mummy: "Why your Highness, I would love to dine with you!" (With batting eyes)

YOUR HIGHNESS?????? UH, OH. AND WHO ARE THESE LARGE BODY GUARDS WRESTLING WITH ALEXANDRA NOW????

To be continued

Etiquette in Dubai

Before leaving our hotel rooms, we go over some local etiquette.

Very important, students.

Alexandra is reading the following to me:

The robes for men are: Kandura

Headdress for men: Ghutrah

Black Band on headdress: Agal

OK, got it. Now for Dining:

Business executives are constantly on their toes when dealing with important clients or business partners. Formal dinners can be rather - pressurizing in situations where executives need to demonstrate their best efforts, whether it is proper communication, dress code, or dining etiquettes. A few tips kept in mind will certainly help in tiding over the hardest of situations and securing a business deal for your company.

Dining manners are an important part of business etiquette as most of the deals, interviews and meeting are cracked over the dinner table. Whether dinner is at an elegant restaurant or at a formal corporate dining hall, it does not matter, as long as table manners are meticulously followed. The following tips will certainly mark the boundaries of Dining Etiquette:

Do's

1. Arrive on time. If you are going to be late, make sure to inform your client or business partner.

2. Dress conservatively.

3. After sitting down, quietly unfold your napkin and place it on your lap. Fold it in half and place the folded half towards your waist.

4. Before starting with the dinner, wait for all your client or business partners to arrive

5. Turn off cell phones and pagers while dining.

6. Maintain proper upright posture while dining.

7. Keep elbows off the table. MAJOR EYEROLLING NOW.

8. If confused about ordering the meal, let the host decide.

9. Order simple menu items eaten with a knife and fork, chopsticks, or other utensils. Avoid finger foods.

10. Start your meal after everyone starts his or hers.

11. Use both knife and fork together to cut your food.

12. Taste your meal before making any additions.

13. Eat in small bites and try to finish your dinner at the same time as everyone else.

14. Stir your soup gently from the farthest edge, instead of blowing it. Drink soup from the edge of the spoon and not putting the whole spoon in your mouth.

15. If bread is in the shape of a loaf, tear it with hands and not a knife.

16. If you have something in your mouth that you cannot swallow, inconspicuously remove it with your fork.

17. If you want to bring a problem to the waiter's attention, do it discreetly.

18. After finishing your meal, place napkin to the left of the plate. The knife and fork should be placed in the centre of the plate in the five a clock position. The waiter will know that you have finished with your meal.

19. Decide beforehand how the bill is going to be paid

20. Tip 15% for moderate service and 20% for excellent service. Tip charges may differ according to location and country.

Don'ts

1. Do not hurry to know the arrival status of your clients. Wait at least 15 minutes before calling up.

2. Do not put bags, briefcases, and other accessories on the table.

3. Do not change the order of dining utensils placed on the table.

4. Do not reshuffle the order of dining utensils according to your handedness.

5. Do not order expensive menu items or alcohol at business meals.

6. Do not apply make up at the table.

7. Do not bite on ice or talk when mouth is full.

8. Do not slurp soups or drinks or make noises while chewing food.

The competition out there is challenging and if you want to pocket the next business deal, one of the few tips you could follow are adhering to above dining etiquettes.

This could have come directly from the School of Flaunt Handbook! Well done.

HIGH FLYING TO DUBAI!

UAE Airlines

Emirates® now offers enhanced private suites in First Class on selected aircraft.

The new private suite is fully equipped with individual storage, a coat closet, vanity desk and personal mini bar. The extra-large seat reclines to become a fully flat bed, and the 23" wide-screen LCD screen features over 600 channels of ice entertainment.

Award-winning, multilingual cabin crew provide an unprecedented level of personal service, including a la carte gourmet cuisine and an extensive wine list.

CAN YOU SAY WE ARE HAPPY NOW???? AFIRMATIVE!

AFTER BOARDING OUR FLIGHT IN LAX, ALEXANDRA AND I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW WONDERFUL OUR INFLIGHT SERVICE WAS! WE WERE USHURED TO OUR SUITES, GIVEN SHOWER KITS, YES, YOU HEARD CORRECTLY, SHOWERS!!

AFTER SELECTING SOME DOM FOR OUR PREFLIGHT COCKTAIL, WE WENT ON SEARCHING OUR SUITES FOR ACUTREMENTS! 600 CHANNELS OF ENTERTAINMENT! A LARGE CENTRAL BAR TO MEET AND GREET YOUR FELLOW PASSENGERS, AWARD WINNING MEALS! OH WE DO SO LOVE TO FLY HIGH! HERE IS MORE ON THE SHOWERS:

Refresh mid-flight in the Emirates A380 Shower Spa

We understand that air travel can be tiring, especially during long flights. That's why we included two onboard Shower Spas as part of the First Class experience on the Emirates A380.

From the state-of-the-art shower system to the classic walnut and marble design to fine linens, the Shower Spas were conceived with your pleasure and convenience in mind. And, to complete the spa experience, we offer our signature Timeless Spa shower kits, made from the finest natural ingredients.

A relaxing visit to the Shower Spa can help ensure you arrive at your destination ready to take on the day.

NOW FOR DINNER, BREAKFAST AND LUNCH, 16 HOURS OF FLYING CAN MAKE ONE HUNGRY!

With our signature Healthy Options menu, multi-course meals and kid-friendly offerings, WAIT, KIDS? KIDS IN FIRSTCLASS? WHEW, WE LOVE THEM, BUT NOT TODAY. We offer a robust variety of dining choices. Our chefs design dishes to reflect cuisine from different regions around the globe and prepare them with locally sourced ingredients. Our sommelier selects wines uniquely suited to withstand the rigors of air travel. And extras in First Class like High Tea,, NOW MUMMY IS FLYING FROM LONDON, HOPE SHE GETS HIGH TEA!, hors d'oeuvres in the Onboard Lounges and on-demand dining mean you can satisfy all kinds of culinary cravings during your journey.

HAPPY CAMPING!! MORE WHEN WE HAVE RESTED AND SET OUT ON OUR MUMMY MISSION!

CATE & ALEXANDRA

Safety for Women Travelers

Below is some research I have done for Alexandra and myself while traveling to Dubai. If you recall, we are keeping check on Mummy and her BFF, Evelyn who think they can skip willy nilly all over the United Emirates! My father is footing the bill for us to keep Mother out of trouble. With her penchant for Boodle's, life could get interesting??? Read on.

The UAE is safe for women travelers. However women travelling alone are a novelty and you may find yourself the focus of unwanted attention. ARE YOU LISTENING MOTHER? You will probably have a more relaxed visit if you stay in a four or five star hotel, especially since you will be able to use the hotel's private beach facilities. WE ARE STAYING AT THE BURJ AL ARAB!

Ignore unwelcome comments. If you are harassed, making a lot of noise will usually embarrass and deter the harasser. Police take sexual harassment very seriously.

If you wish to avoid hassle, avoid swimming at the public beaches if you are alone. Do not wear tight or revealing clothes away from the beach clubs and resorts. You will also find that clothing suitable for the more cosmopolitan cities may not be comfortable or convenient for independent travel in rural areas. Loose trousers and a long sleeved cotton shirt will satisfy a wide range of situations. If you are dining alone outside your hotel, most local restaurants have separate "Family Rooms" for women. Do take advantage of this and you will feel more comfortable.

When socializing in local company wait until a hand is offered to you for a handshake. Some devout Muslims prefer not to shake hands with a woman. Remember that one advantage of being a woman in the UAE is that women are normally served first and banks and post offices, police stations and other government offices frequently have separate queues for women. Women in the UAE have a much more liberal lifestyle than many other Gulf countries (i.e. women are permitted to drive, work, etc) however, women travelers should be aware that they are visiting a society which has strong religious roots. Acting in a friendly manner which may be considered normal behavior in your home country, but it can be misinterpreted as an 'open invitation' by Muslim men. HAVE NO FEAR, ALEXANDRA CAN HANDLE ANYONE!

JUST BOOKED OUR FLIGHT, POOR DADDY, THIS IS GONNA BE $$$$$!

X0X0,

CATE