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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Caddy Shack!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Wednesday, March 6, 2013

 

 

Caddy Shack!

Or

"St. Valentine's Day Massacre"

The phone rings about 10AM on Valentine's Day and it was LB. She was sounding very perky having just received her five pound box of chocolates for Valentine's Day and knew more things would be coming throughout the day too. She is high upkeep!

Here is our conversation:

LB: How are you this morning? I'm outside enjoying the morning sun with a cup of coffee and my chocolates. What are you doing today?

Moi: Well, we aren't going out for Valentine's dinner just too many people out, plus we are meeting the Duchess and John for dinner on Sunday evening. So, I have to go get some good Filets for dinner tonight. May be asparagus and I'll make some au gratin potatoes too. Mr. S loves all three.

He just left and I told him what the menu was and he said he'd pick up a good bottle of wine. I looked at him like he was crazy. I said, what is wrong with the 100 plus bottles that you have in the wine cooler. You know what he said? I don't have 100 bottles of red wine in the wine cooler. Can you believe that man?

LB: So what did you say to him?

Moi: I said, Oh excuse me, only 200 bottles. And he laughed!

LB: And that is only the red, he doesn't count in the white and the champagne! Men!

Moi: Do you want me to pick up anything for you while I'm out and about?

AND THEN I HEAR A GASP!!

LB: He's back!

Moi: WHO'S BACK?

LB: That gopher!! Oh this is it! That little varmint keeps throwing soil out on my lawn and poking his head up to see if anyone is looking. This isn't Caddy Shack you little monster!!

Then I hear her calling The Donald. (For those of you who do not know that is her husband.)

LB: Donald you have to do something about that Gopher! NOW! It is ruining my lawn.

Donald: O.K. LB I'll get my gun and kill him. (And yes it was that matter of fact, I could hear him.)

LB: Alexandra, we have to be quiet now. I want to watch this! Oh damn, where is my new cell phone that does panoramic shots?! I want to get this all down so I can post it on my Facebook page.

Meanwhile I'm laughing on the phone! And she is telling me to SSSSH!

Then in a low whisper she says, Donald is sneaking up on him. Oh damn the little varmint must have heard him. He just pulled his head back into the hole.

Moi: Now what is going on?

LB: Where is it written that you and I have to do everything for everyone? We can't be everywhere! Donald just said, Honey I have to go check the stock market now. I can't waste anymore time here.

Well, that is all there is to it. I'm getting my Glock and I'll just sit here with Johnnie and we'll wait for him to stick his head out! Then I'll exterminate him!

Now for those of you who don't know Johnnie, he is a 15 year old lap dog who is deaf! He won't even flinch when the gun goes off!

Moi: Well sweetie, I don't know how long this is going to take so I'll talk with you later today. Happy hunting!

As I drove down the street I thought about LB .I had this picture in my mind of a woman, wearing fine jewelry, with a 15 year old Maltese in her lap, holding her pistol, just waiting for the gopher to appear. I have to admit I started to laugh!

Certainly a Town and Country moment! Probably not but I should send that photo to them. I can see the look on the editor's face now!! It would be too funny. Photo title could be " St.Valentine's Day Massacre by Socialite!"

Anyway, I know she won't give up until she takes down the Gopher! And yes, this will probably end up on her FaceBook page. This from the woman who saved us from a large Rattlesnake last summer! Same gun. The NRA would be so happy!

Alexandra

Postscript: LB gave up! The gopher lives!! But maybe not for long? The Donald is talking about putting a flare down the gopher hole. Stay tuned!

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