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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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DeeDee Arrives!! With Sassy!! Part V

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Friday, October 12, 2012




DeeDee Arrives!!

With Sassy!!!

Part V

We are close to my going in for my Co2 treatment when the phone rings one day. Who is it? The infamous Miss DeeDee from New Orleans. My BFF's husband was not at home and without thinking I answered the phone. Big mistake because of course she recognizes my voice almost immediately! (She doesn't have that many Yankees for friends.) And everyone knows DeeDee's voice! Rather low and raspy with obviously a sweet southern drawl.

"Alexandra is that you?" Well, I'm caught! "Hello DeeDee, it is so nice to hear your voice and how are you?" "I'm fine darling but what are you doing in Alabama?" I can feel that small surge of adrenalin now since I'm going to have to fudge on the details. "Oh I'm just passing through for a few days."

"Passing through and you didn't let me know? And how long are a few days?" At this point my BFF totters out of her room in her PJ's with her compression strap on and I mouth, "Its DeeDee!!" She knows this is trouble. What are we going to say to get out of this one?

DeeDee doesn't wait for an answer and I hear her say, "Alexandra, its August in Alabama. You know it is so hot down here right now it can wilt your crinolines. Whatever possessed you to come for a visit in August. You know Azalea season is the only time to really visit."

I've now put DeeDee on speaker phone! My BFF chimes in, "DeeDee darling it's me." "Well, are the two of you having a grand old time without me?" I note a touch of sarcasm in her voice now since we know DeeDee always has to be invited whether or not she can come or not.

My BFF continues, "DeeDee, honey you sound a little put out. Now darling, you know I would have invited you to come but that would mean you have to drive over here and I just didn't think you would have the time."

DeeDee as only DeeDee can be says, "Time is relevant, for the two of you I always have the time. I can't believe that you didn't let me know that Alexandra was visiting." At this point I can see my BFF starting to roll her eyes and I wonder how she is going to get out of this one?

Then what to my wondering ears do I hear. "Well, if you have to have the truth and you promise not to tell anyone else I'll let you in on my big surprise because you will figure it out as soon as you see me."

Well, DeeDee is almost orgasmic. "Surprise, sugar you know I love surprises!" Now I really can't believe my ears, "DeeDee I had some plastic surgery done." DeeDee is almost screaming into the phone and her voice had raised a few octaves. "What, you had plastic surgery and didn't call me to come over and take care of you? You know I'm the Joan Rivers of New Orleans!"

My BFF says, "Well, I had Alexandra here and also Papa Bear." (Don't ask; that is her pet name for her husband. Goes back to his football days.) I can hear DeeDee exclaiming now, "Well, I know he has had things done but Alexandra hasn't. I would have been at your beck and call sweetie."

At this point we can both tell that Miss DeeDee feels that she has been rejected. I write a note to my BFF saying, "What now?" And then I hear myself saying, "I'm having a Co2 fracture done in two days would you like to come over and help me through this?" Never believing in my wildest dreams that she would take me up on this.

Do we have to go any further? Of course Miss DeeDee came! She arrives the next day, suitcase in hand with her little Pomeranian, Sassy. Sassy got her name because you guessed it, she is totally sassy. (Hmm, owner like dog or dog like owner?) Sassy walks into the house, goes and barks at "Papa Bear" and then promptly jumps up on a chair and makes herself at home. Now it is my BFF, her husband, DeeDee, Sassy and me. And believe me it was hard to tell who was running the house, DeeDee or Sassy?

DeeDee promptly makes herself at home. She has an ice tea in hand, places a bowl of dog cookies out on the counter and puts a white wine bottle to chill in the refrigerator, while saying, "Bear, what do you want me to make everyone for dinner?" That's our DeeDee!!

The following day, DeeDee, Sassy and I are off for my Co2 fracture. All the way over to the Doctor's, DeeDee is regaling me with plastic surgery stories and telling me not to worry, she knows exactly how to apply the Copper Cream and I will be fine. She is in her glory!

A few hours later, DeeDee and Sassy show up together to chauffeur me and my Obagi products home. (Wait until I tell you about them and my new makeup!) Sassy is sporting a new collar and I swear she had hamburger breath. Probably they had made a stop at Five Brothers for a Little Burger! If that dog could only talk!!

But I will admit now that it was a good thing that DeeDee came; a hurricane should be named after her. She whirled through the house, checking on my BFF and myself. Shoeing Papa Bear out of the kitchen, (which I think he was relieved about) and making sure that my BFF and I were covered in Copper cream, taking our meds, eating and were comfortable. She is a good soul!!

And I'm here to tell you students of flaunt, stay out of the sun and use sunscreen!! After that Co2 fracture on my face, décolletage and hands I looked like I had a case of the measles. There is no way an airline would have boarded me. I looked terrible for about a week. Unbelievable what we can do to ourselves!! Let this be a lesson!!!

To be continued


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