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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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SHE HAD WHAT AROUND HER NECK? A RATTLESNAKE!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Thursday, June 28, 2012

 

SHE HAD WHAT AROUND HER NECK?

A RATTLESNAKE!!!

LB calls me the other day and says, "You must come over and see what we have done on the property. Wear something comfortable and we'll take a little hike too."

Gheez wear something comfortable and we'll take a little hike too! Not one of my favorite things to do. Hiking is much better around a pool with a glass of white wine, just saying. But LB obviously wanted to show off something so I would humor her.

I show up in my jeans and Miu Miu flats to hear LB saying, "I told you we were going to hike." "I know, I know, I'm changing into a pair of boots. I just wanted to be comfortable after we get back when we are having that glass of wine." Having a glass of wine together in the afternoon is a given and remember students always plan ahead. Nothing worse than wine by the pool in hiking boots! ICK!

So off we go. LB in the lead. "Where are we going LB?" "Oh you aren't going to believe what I've had done for the children." Meanwhile I'm thinking, "What has she done now?"

"I had the gardeners' clear brush and we put in a long hiking trail that the kids are going to love. I can hardly wait for them to get back from camp. It will just be an extension of their camping experience." Good thing she had her back to me as I'm rolling my eyes now. Again thinking, camping experience ICK! Just so you know I was a Brownie dropout. I know you are all now rolling your eyes at me. Sorry!!

As we are hiking through the flora and fauna and LB is pointing out this wild flower and that one I have to admit that I was enjoying myself until this!!! What? As we pass some bushes I hear the sound of a RATTLE. Yes, a rattlesnake. I freeze and say, "LB, I just heard a rattlesnake."

LB says, "Where." I point to the bush and she says, "Don't move." I wasn't planning on it, trust me! What does she do? She pulls up the large linen blouse that she had on over her jeans (small aside here, would she hike in anything else?) and she has a gun strapped to her waist. YES, she is packing!!

She pulls out the gun, slowly takes aim at the snake and POW!! One shot and the snake is history! At this point I start screaming! In two seconds we hear The Donald yelling, "LB did you shoot something?"

LB yells, "Yes darling I had to shoot an intruder." Meanwhile I'm wiggling around like someone who is having a spastic attack, flailing my hands, and repeating, "Oh my God, Oh my God!"

The Donald comes racing up the hiking trail and LB proudly holds up her kill. Now the Donald starts yelling at her, "Put that thing down now. It can still bite up to one hour after it is killed." Now she starts to have a spastic attack and throws the damn thing into the air. You guessed it, in my direction! I scream again and jump into the air! God this all should have been on You Tube! I'm sure we would have had a million hits by now!

But it isn't over. LB tells the Donald to get a shovel and camera. I'm trying to calm myself at this point and I hear him say, "What! A camera and shovel?" LB says, "Yes, I want you to cut off its head and I need pictures of my first kill."

All I could think about now was I want to go back to the pool and have a glass of wine really badly! But off goes The Donald who returns quickly with his camera and the shovel. Off with the snake's head!

Then LB says, "I'm going to drape this around my neck and send it out to our friends on Facebook." I thought I was going to pass out! I can hear me saying, "You're not really going to do that?"

"Oh yes, this is going to be great! Now help me drape this thing," she says. Moi: "You must be out of your mind. I'm not touching that even if it is dead." So she drapes it around her neck and asks her husband to take a picture. No I'm not kidding here!!!

Then I hear her say, "Wow this thing is bigger than my wrist and has 6 rattles. I'm going to put it in the outside refrigerator so the kids can see it when they get home."

All I can think of is, "God will someone take me to the pool now. Forget a glass of wine I need the whole BOTTLE!

Hmm, a thought just occurred to me. Maybe we should start a line of SOF, snake ballet slippers?

Alexandra Smythe

P.S. For your enjoyment I have also attached a wonderful recipe for Rattlesnake! Enjoy, LOL!!

 

"CHILI RANG-A-DANGO" (A.K.A. THE BARN BURNER)

1/4 lb. Thai chilies

1/2 lb. rattlesnake (skin and bones)

2 scorpion tails

2 onions (chopped)

2 (#10) cans tomatoes

1 bunch parsley (minced)

5 cloves garlic

1 sm. ground squirrel (or 1 lg. gopher)

1 dab Worcestershire sauce

1 shot whiskey (room temp.)

3 eggs (scrambled)

3 chili beans for good luck (Nina Pinta Santa Maria)

Braize rattlesnake and ground squirrel in butter (bear grease if you got it). Saute' chilies, scorpion tails with onions, garlic, tomatoes, Worcestershire sauce. Simmer the above ingredients for 4 days and add the whiskey to top (when served) and light with a burning twig. Add parsley if you're concerned about it being healthy enough and the beans are there for intestinal gas.

 

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