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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Mummy and the Mysterious Christmas Snake!

Category: Mummy's Adventures  |  Permalink

Published: Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Mummy and the Mysterious Christmas Snake!

Well, my parents, Cleland and Clarrissa are in town for the Holidays. What could be more fun? Lots planned: dinners, parties, gifts exchanged and the like. All is well, all is bright, right? NOT SO FAST!

It all started with a trip to the local K-Mart. Mummy loves our big SUPER markets, as she always emphasizes the word Super. One can buy food, clothing and a gerbil? What could be better? And she has to go down every, and I mean every aisle. So I thought we should get this trip over with as soon as possible! Off we go to Super Kmart. This should be fun? Oh, how wrong I can be.

All was well as we perused the PET aisle and fiddled with Pet Beds, Toys, etc. Mummy was looking for something for her dog, Charlotte. Don't ask, such a spoiled canine never existed.

We ambled finally to the Food aisles and I asked Mummy to pick up some bananas. Easy enough? We met at the cart and proceeded to check out. So far everything is going swimmingly well.

Back at home we unloaded our purchases and Mummy settled in for her first Boodles of the day. "It is the Holidays, after all," she said.

Suddenly from the living room I heard a blood curdling scream!!!

Mummy: "OH MY GOD, I am bleeding!!!"

Mr. Clarke: "What, what?"

Daddy: "Clarissa, what is it this time?" Barely looking up from Burke's Peerage.

Mummy: "MY ARM is bleeding! How did this happen?"

I proceed to gather Mummy and take her to the kitchen for First Aid. As the blood, and there was a bit, just a wee bit, was washed away she fainted!

Moi: " Oh my God are those FANG marks?"

Mummy coming around: "You sent me to get BANANAS!! I'm dying!! Some hidden Mamba has bitten me!! Oh, the tragedy of it all."

Moi: "What is this?" Pointing to the Fang Marks! "Quick someone call 911."

Mr. Clarke: "No, no, that is probably nothing; just give Dr. Lennon a quick call."

Now, Dr. Lennon is my handsome next door neighbor. Always ready to help. Did I say Handsome??? Now my mother is wide awake!

Mummy: "Yes, I need Dr. Lennon. He is so thoughtful." (And handsome; I know what she is thinking.)

Dr. Lennon arrives to step into the living room chaos, as Mummy immediately goes into a Sarah Bernhardt rendition of Death by an Adder.

Dr. Lennon: "Let me see the wound? Ah, yes two small marks. Have you cleaned this?"

Mummy: "Yes, Dr. Lennon, am I to die? I was just at the Super Kmart; here is my receipt, just in case I don't make it." (Handing him the check out document.)

Hope he doesn't see all the liquor we purchased!

Dr. Lennon: "No, no, I don't believe this is a work of a snake or any animal for that matter. Probably and errant staple that grazed your wrist. Just put a bit of Bacitracin on the marks and, eyeing her Boodles, continue to enjoy the Holidays."

Looking my way, Dr. Lennon mentions that Mummy should not be driving and I nod knowingly. Mummy never drives in the States, thank God.

Mummy: "Well, thank you Dr. Lennon, now batting her eyelashes. Could you stay for a bit of Holiday cheer? It was so kind of you to come to my rescue!"

Dr. Lennon: "Well I don't want to impose but that would be nice. My family is out of town tonight."

I could tell Mummy was thrilled! A new companion for her to regale with her many stories.

Well, Mummy's new Doctor stayed for dinner and we all had a wonderful time. She did have a small relapse but Dr. Lennon was quick to avert any further drama. I think he was on to her game!

So ends another happy day at the Cadbury-Clarke Household.

Have a wonderful Christmas and Happiest of New Years!

Cate Clarke

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