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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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More Adventures with Mummy!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Wednesday, October 26, 2011



More Adventures with Mummy!


She met who?

We are on the Island of Mustique. The entire Cadbury-Clarke family. Hope the Villa can take the strain. Here are the main characters:


Daddy, yes he left his country under protest

Fiona, my lovely daughter

Reggie, Fiona's Fancy-Schmancy boyfriend from Oxford

Mr. Clarke

Moi, who needs a vacation badly!!!

So we are all assembled at the most exclusive, wonderful resort that you can imagine!

Our villa is magnificent and the staff and management are exemplary. Nothing is left to chance. Your smallest wish is their command. Remember students of flaunt, you should always book at a Hand and Foot Establishment! Think about this? Oh, now you've got it, "they wait on you hand and foot!"

But let's get down to a little vacation talk; our morning starts with a light breakfast and some lounging by the pool. Then we are all off to drive our little Mules down the beach. For the uninformed a Mule in Mustique is a small go cart; think of a golf cart on steroids.

Everyone then opts for an early lunch. Mummy of course immediately spies the delicious lobster salad and orders it and of course has a glass of champagne too. Me, forget the diet, I'm eating a cheeseburger in Paradise. Well, who can say no to that!

After our "flauntilious" lunch it was time for a little horseback riding. Oh you should see the stables here! Nary a dropping in site! They would pass an inspection by the Queens's Horse Guard. Oh, Mummy is in her element now and I am having a hard time keeping up with her. Tally Ho could be heard around the resort as Mummy took off exclaiming, "I wish they had some foxes here." I know not politically correct but Mummy is part of the old guard.

But I digress; everything was not "all well" in Paradise! In the dining room last night Mummy swatted Reggie with her napkin and told him to stop ordering the chef to make him another steak! Yes, it is truth our little dynamo had had it with him! I saw her lean over to Daddy and say, "Ridiculous, he has sent back two steaks and wants them to prepare a third! The man is totally worthless and an embarrassment! What does Fiona see in him?" Funny I was thinking the same thing.

Proceeding on: the next afternoon Mummy was out for a stroll while Daddy was taking a nap. You know how she loves meeting and greeting! And she had noticed that there was always a neighboring Villa hosting a "House Party". She informed me this was just like at home. Everyone so open and friendly. Hmmm, really?

Anyway, it was after one of these walks that she dashed into the Villa, screaming for us all to come running now!

Daddy: "Clarrisa are you hurt?"

Mummy: "No! Where is everyone? Come, come! Come here immediately."

We all frantically arrive in the main salon and Mummy proceeds to tell us to get cleaned up! "Company is coming! 1 hour STAT!"

Reggie: "Oh Gawwd, who now? Lord what's His Name?" As he started to sit down with a Shandy in hand.

Mummy: "Get moving or I will have you on the next plane, Reginald!" "Oh, he is such a pilchard (idiot)," she mumbles under her breath. Fiona is beet red now. She knows better than to aggravate her Grandmother! I think we won't be seeing much of him again. Thankfully! He is a mooching toad! And Mr. Clarke agrees!

One hour later the doorbell chimes. (Mummy still had not told us who her guests were. She said it would ruin the surprise.) She glides over to the front door to meet her new friends who have arrived on their Mule. As she and her guests enter the main salon we all walk toward them with arms extended to shake hands.


Well, they could not have been nicer. Seems they were staying at the Firefly. My mind started racing and I was trying my hardiest not to be to star struck! Beatles songs kept racing through my mind. I hope Mr. Clarke stops me if I start to hum one of them! Yikes how embarrassing would that be? Do you think Paul would sing for us? I kept looking at Paul and humming in my mind, "Do you want to hold my hand?" Oh he is still so cute! I can hear Alexandra now, "Cate get a grip on yourself, woman!!"

What a fun evening! But sadly it had to end, so after cocktails and dinner Paul and Nancy are excusing themselves for the evening. There was much talk about meeting again for as you know Mummy is always making new friends!

We now retreated to Basils Beach Bar. What now? Reggie appears to be drunk and is mumbling something to Fiona. Then we hear:

Reggie: (Slurring) "Fionaaaaa, your family is so extraordinary, will you MARRY ME?"

Mummy and my Daddy are glaring at the twosome now!

Fiona looks like she is seeing aliens and says, "Not on your life! Please leave first thing in the morning. I will book the plane for you!" Hmmm looks like there is going to be a second Mummy. Granddaughter like Grandmother, me thinks!

Mr. Clarke whispers to me, "There is a God." We both smile and then he says in my ear, "I think I'll order a bottle of Ace of Spades champagne. Will you join me darling?"

Moi: "Of course. Let's take the Mule out with some glasses and the bottle of champagne and enjoy the moonlight."

As he is ordering the champagne my mind starts to wander, "What am I thinking? I must get Alexandra down here ASAP! So much fun to be had and now we have another free boudoir!

Where is my cell phone!!



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