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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Lizards!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Monday, September 12, 2011

LIZARDS!

This seems to be the summer of the invasion of the LIZARDS! The first one got stuck between the screen and the sliding door and was crushed. By the time anyone noticed he was a crispy little critter.

Then my second episode took place a few months later. I saw a little lizard running down the hallway toward my bedroom and then he disappeared into the closet. Oh Gheez! Now what!

Well, he could have been hiding anywhere so I gave up. A few weeks later what to my surprise but I discovered him in my shower. ALIVE!

I quickly threw a towel over him; whoosh like a snatch and grab robber I opened the door from the bathroom out to the courtyard and then there was a quick release of the little monster.

I watched him through the window, poor fellow looked stunned and I'm sure he must have been thirsty and hungry from existing on dust bunnies under the furniture. But eventually he disappeared.

Then yesterday I'm getting ready for a bath. This time however I'm sans clothing, what do I see? A lizard sitting on top of my dressing table chair. He's back!

The little monster is staring at me and then starts doing his pushups! What! How dare you do that dominance dance with me?

Now I told you I have a courtyard off of my master bathroom with a French door out to it. The patio area is lovely with a fountain, wall, and landscaping. Perfect quiet retreat spot. Not anymore!

I frantically open the door and then try to tip over the chair so he'll fall outside but nooo the little monster runs underneath it to hide. My mind is racing, "Oh, you are leaving this house!" What to do? You guessed it; I literally jumped outside with the chair in hand and started shaking it to dislodge the little urchin! Yes I'm still in my birthday suit!  Stop laughing!

I'm sure I looked like a "mad woman". Totally insane, whipping a chair around wildly and screaming at the same time, "Get off of this chair."

Well, he finally fell to the ground and took off. Fortunately not back into the house. Then there was that moment of clarity when I realized I was standing outside nude with a chair. OMG! Are the gardeners here today?

There is a God, the gardeners were not here; the other good news is that I live on 15 acres and that side of the house is private, unless someone has binoculars!

Well, so be it. If they saw me in their binoculars they would have to admit they are a "peeping Tom" so this won't get around in the neighborhood.

Where are my bath salts? Dear Lord, I need a good long soak! Honey can you get me a nice cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc? And if any of you blab about this - you'll be sorry!

Can I use a cell phone in the tub? I need to call Cate.

Alexandra

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