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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Mummy and the Grand New Bed!

Category: Mummy's Adventures  |  Permalink

Published: Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mummy and the Grand New Bed! Upon arriving, I went directly to Mummy's Chicago East Lake Shore Drive abode. It did not disappoint. James Swan had done it again! Another masterpiece! But leave it to my mother to put her own touches on her Chicago pied a terre.

This would be the delivery of her new bed, all one thousand pounds of it. The poor young men carrying the behemoth were meeting their match! Sweat pouring from their brows as they struggled to inch the heavy base inside.

Mummy: "Here it goes, right down this way," as she waved them to follow her.

Guys: "Yes Ma'am. This is very heavy. We might need to take a break?"

Mummy: "At your age? My my, with all those muscles?"

At this the young men perked up and continued struggling down the hall. I couldn't help but notice Army tattoos on both arms. They must be young men back from Iraq or Afghanistan. Curiosity got the better of me and I just had to ask about their service.

Moi: "Were the two of you in the Army?"

Guys: "Yes, Ma'am, we both served in Iraq."

Moi: "Thank you so much for doing so. The entire country is proud of you."

As usual Mummy was in her own little world and already down the hallway to her master bedroom.

Mummy: "Where is my new bed? I'm so excited about this one!"

Guys: "Coming Ma'am."

At this point I'm thinking, "I'll give them some drinks and cookies before they leave plus a large tip. It's the least I can do.

Mummy: "Here is my bedroom. Please place it against that wall," pointing to the place where the new bed would be ensconced. Mummy is beaming!

Not knowing exactly what kind of bed Mummy had purchased, I see a tool box coming out and after a few minutes I realized this was a movable bed that raises the head and feet to watch, TV, etc. Mummy looked like a small child at Christmas now!

Mummy: "Oh I cannot wait to test drive my new mattress! Evelyn let's put the linens on right away!" (Evelyn, if you recall is Mummy's BFF and ladies' maid.)

I go back to the front door with the young men, presenting them with bags of chocolate chip cookies, bottles of Lemonade, tipping and thanking them profusely for their patience. That is when I heard the squeals coming from my mother's room!!

I run to see what horrible thing is happening. There they are laughing like school girls. It would seem that Mummy's new bed is also a vibrating behemoth!

Moi: "Are you two OK?"

Mummy: "Yes, this is wonderful; we are getting massages by the new bed!!"

Moi: "OK, have fun," as I head to the library.

Mummy: "CATE. CATE, we cannot turn the bed off!! Call the young men back."

Very slowly I turn and walk back to her bedroom, take the remote and turn off the grand massage. At this point I hear the phone ringing. Now what?

Mummy: "Cate can you get that for us?'

Moi: "Hello. You live below my Mother's apartment. What? Your ceiling has a crack in it now? Oh you felt something like a mini earthquake and heard a vibrating noise coming from above you. Do I know what is going on here?"

Lord help me, this is going to be a very long night.

Moi: "Mummy, do you have home owner's insurance?"


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