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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Cattle Car or Interviewing at Wal Mart!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Cattle Car

Or

Interviewing for Wal Mart!

Well, I told you I would continue with the saga of our trip to the studio for the taping. Remember we were all acting as if we had never been out of the house before. Chattering like 16 year olds and waving at Bentley Boy. But after about 30 minutes in the car we started to calm down and now the banter was about checking out face lifts, if the lips had been enhanced, what kind of shoes would be worn by the stars and how thin were they really. Little did we know what awaited us!

We arrived at the appointed time to "line up." You know we totally dislike lines of any kind! But wait it only gets better. You showed a check in clerk your reservation and then they checked off your name and gave you a slip of paper that had a number on it. Next, you proceeded to security. Trust me on this, no one was going to be very secure. A young man with a security outfit on took our handbags and barely looked inside. He seemed to be pre-occupied with whether we had a camera or not. Puh leese! Did we look like paparazzi? Really do you think we would be displaying pictures of ourselves with a TV celeb on top of the grand piano? I don't think so.

But I digress - then you had to be scanned with a hand wand. Again hardily professionally done, remember I do know the drill. No one was going to complain about pat downs like you get from the TSA since their wanding was all for show! And trust me these people would not have passed the training for a TSA employee. Sorry, my opinion.

Next stop was where someone was telling you to use the restrooms. My God this is worse than the airport! After the potty stop they escorted you to a room that had BENCHES! I do not kid you a Grey Hound Bus station would be better than this. Yes lovely (I'm being facetious) wood benches with no backs, no arms, no padding. And you had the pleasure of waiting there for close to an hour.

What does one do for an hour? Well, students what do you think? People watch! Remember I told you that the four of us arrived looking like Sex in the City "ladies," but obviously the instructions for how to dress had either not been explained to the rest of the crowd, or they thought that the following was Sex in the City material: skin tight exercise "shorts" with a lovely little matching jacket, white slacks that were three inches to long so that they trailed on that exquisite cement floor gathering dirt, or then maybe it was the jeans with rubber flip flops and the hair bunched up on the head with a banana clip! Tre Chic!

I can hear LB whispering to me every few minutes, "Attention Wal Mart Shoppers." I have to admit that I did finally break and started to laugh! Were we really doing this or was it just another day at the local mall! If only I had our School of Flaunt Handbook to pass out. We would have to start with the bare basics, How to Dress, 101. Then we could talk hair, makeup and how to enter a room. But at least it was entertaining since we had an hour to kill in the dungeon!

But it gets better, another one of their truly special employees screams at all of us periodically about filling out our paper work (release forms) and how we were to eventually line up in order of our number to go into the studio. CATTLE CAR! Moooooo

Finally the time comes to line up! Yippee! Yes, I'm being sarcastic. We are herded over to the studio, all the time being reminded by our "herders" to stay in a single line. I whisper to LB, "God I feel like I should have ordered something for my last supper!" LB whispers back, "Darling, it will be cocktail time soon. Not to worry. This nightmare will end."

So into the studio we go. Yes, we were seated in the front row! Finally there was some kind of validation that we had taken the time to dress appropriately! The purple, pink, yellow and tangerine outfits paid off. Oh, this was more like it! Now we could really check out those faces, lips, shoes and outfits of those celebs. Perfect! And trust me on this we did check them out thoroughly. What fodder it all was for our lunch and ride home. We laughed all afternoon!

Post Script:

We decided that one celeb had definitely had a face lift; one had her lips filled and some of them

thought a little to much of themselves. Now that was a surprise, not! And may we remind you celebs, when you are wearing your Christian Louboutin heels, that we could see the red color on your soles had worn off! Buy some new shoes, really how tacky and surely not SOF material.

Secondly, the Wal Mart crowd really needs our help! We are here for you people!!

And lastly, that we would never do that again unless we called in some favors at the studio to avoid the cattle car treatment, which LB kept apologizing to us that she should have done.

It was good to get home!

Alexandra

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