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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Rattlesnake Season

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Rattlesnake Season

Or

Red tries to kill Snake!

Those darn Rattlesnakes are out now! It is back to leg protectors and watching where you tread!

I walked out into the garage the other day, hit the door opener and proceeded to walk over to Red (my Porsche who is like a sister to me, you've read about her before). I have my hand on the door handle, poised to open it, when what do I see out of the corner of my eye but a baby Rattlesnake stretched out close to the frame that is around the garage door.

It was merely 12 inches long but that made no difference to me. It could have been 3 feet! A silent scream went through my mind. Then it was Yikes, that thing could slither right into the garage. My God if it disappears in here I will kill myself!

I frantically perused the garage for the push broom and then spied it in the corner. After what I felt was close to sprinting the 100 yard dash across the garage, dodging around hurdles i.e. cars, and everything else that accumulates in a garage, I grabbed the push broom and flew back in the direction of the snake.

Oh please God don't let it have slithered under the car or somewhere else. Obviously I was not thinking clearly because if I had I would have just closed the garage door and prayed that it would not slither in under the door as it was closing. But that might not have worked either so in retrospect my plan wasn't that bad.

What pray tell was I going to do with a push broom? Obvious, I was going to push this snake away from the house. With the force of a snow plow, I charged at the snake with the broom. I can hear you gasping now but it seemed like a good idea.

I took that push broom and wham - right at him! Well, that little charmer wasn't happy! He rears up his ugly little head and starts to come right back at me, striking! I take the push broom again and fling him into the driveway. The little bastard (excuse my language) comes after me again, striking. A third mighty push with the broom and he is now approximately 20 feet away from the garage door.

I jump into Red, turn on the engine, throw her into reverse and fly out of the garage. The little bastard, as I said, was slithering right back to the open garage. I put the car in 1st gear! My mind was whirling! Needless to say I couldn't drive 60 MPH over him since I would have crashed into the garage. But somehow I managed to run over him.

I back up again and look for him; sure enough he is still moving. I throw Red into first gear and fly over him again. Heaven only knows what my blood pressure was at that time but the adrenalin was flowing. It was him or me and the garage!

It was obvious that I had done some major damage but he was still "slowly" moving. Where? Right back to the original spot! Then out of the corner of my eye I see a white pickup truck parked in my driveway. I had been so intent upon my mission of killing that I hadn't even noticed the truck.

Oh thank you Lord! It was our gardener. I jump out of the car, race around to the back of the house, and started yelling (probably sounded more like screeching) at him, "Help, I need your help!" The man looked like he was going to have to witness someone who had been murdered. It was pure panic on his face!

I race into the garage, grab a shovel and literally throw it at him while I was screaming, "Kill that Rattlesnake." I see the shovel poised over the snake and then 

Whap, a single blow and it was decapitated. At this point I felt limp from the battle and threw my arms around him, telling him, "Thank God you were here!"

Whew, I'm exhausted from simply telling the tale again.

Moi: "Honey lets go out for dinner, I can't think about cooking. What did you say? You want Frogs legs for dinner at that little French restaurant you love?"

Well, at least it's not fried Rattlesnake!

More adventures at Green Acres.

Alexandra

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