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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Green Acres is the place to be!

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Monday, June 20, 2011

Eva Gabor or Alexandra Smythe?

GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE TO BE!

Yes, it is true. Cate did tell me I was like Eva Gabor on Green Acres that TV show from the 60's. Now you are all thinking that woman (Moi) never has picked up a shovel in her lift. Perfect analogy! Oh, contraire!! I might not be digging big holes in the ground, I do have my limits, but putting on the gardening gloves and getting into the dirt, well, it is my thing.

Now I do have to tell you a funny story. But before I begin let me give you a little background. I live in an area that could be considered very "horsey". Let's put it another way, if you live here and don't want people horseback riding past your home, you shouldn't have moved here.

Even though my neighbors don their jeans to wander around the horse barns, they aren't getting out the shovels to clean up if you get my drift. So a gardening trowel is probably not going to be an instrument they are familiar with.

I, on the other hand, have no problem with looking like I was just working in the barn. Picture me in the following: An old tee shirt, jeans, sweat stained baseball cap, gardening gloves, my Gucci sunglasses (only thing that looked remotely flaunty) and my rattlesnake leg protectors. Yes, I felt the need to wear those since I was going down to my main gate to prune my roses.

So now you've got the picture. As my dear Mother always says, "A picture no artist should paint." And that was not meant as a compliment. I can see her now taking in a large breath of air and then shaking her head to remove the picture of her daughter looking like a homeless person. But I digress.

I have on my gardening outfit, (Lily Pulitzer would not be proud), and I'm at the front gate. The SUV is parked with the back tail gate open so that I can get to all of my clippers, etc., and the radio is blasting on high. I'm knelt down, hidden in between roses and lavender, and I'm definitely in my own little world at this point.

When all of a sudden I hear the sound of a golf cart and then the voices of pubescent boys yelling, "Vegas Baby, let's go to Vegas." I stand up looking like a creature from a horror movie, most likely to them, and the look on their faces is priceless.

No it was not some "hot" teenage girl listening to her music but Mrs. Smythe with a pair of clippers in her hands. The air was thick with silence as they cruised by and I waved and smiled at them so they would be even more embarrassed. Trust me by the looks on their faces, they were!

Now, a few minutes later one of my neighbors is driving by. Isn't it always that way? You look like the wrath of God (another expression from my Mother) and all of a sudden the whole world is driving past your home when there are only three homes on the entire street!

Of course she toots her horn and stops!

Neighbor: "Alexandra is that you dear?"

Moi: "Hello, how are you?" Meanwhile rolling my eyes under my Gucci sunglasses, thinking why me, as I walked over to the car.

Neighbor: "Darling, what are you doing?"

Moi: "Just a little pruning."

Neighbor: "Well, remember dear you don't want to ruin it for the rest of us, do you?"

Moi: "Something tells me that your husband would never ask you to don rattlesnake protectors and work in the yard." (I'm laughing as I said that.)

Neighbor: "Oh I'm sure you are right, but I'm worried for you darling. Now please be careful."

Moi: "I will. See you tomorrow for cocktails at LB's." As I'm thinking right you are worried about me!

And off she drives.

But you know what was really funny about this? She obviously had recently had Botox injections and had forgotten to stop taking her aspirin before hand, so she had little tiny black and blue spots where they had placed the injections. Makeup was not doing it for her! Her face was screaming BOTOX! Oh wait until she gets home and looks in the mirror. She will be horrified that I saw that!

He who laughs last! Hee, hee,hee that would be me!

Something tells me that she will not say a word about my gardening attire.

Turned out to be a good day at Green Acres! Will someone wipe the smile off my face?

Alexandra

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