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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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The Final Curtain, are your trusts in order?

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Tuesday, May 31, 2011

After reading the story on the Stingy Tycoon, we at The School of Flaunt, felt that we should publish a portion of our Lesson 17, Womb to Tomb. Read on.

The Final Curtain:  Are your trusts in order?

Well, the children are married and you should be getting your house in order. Please always have the bills settled and trusts up to date. Remember Funerals or Celebrations of Lives, still need to be perfectly coordinated affairs. Yes we said "affairs," since remember the movers and shakers in your community and hopefully even world wide will want to attend. The cameras will be set up outside to take pictures of the mourners and family as they arrive so you need coordination inside and out. Think, a well oiled machine. If wise, you will make all decisions long before the inevitable! This is your final tribute and surely you want to have some input. Please remind your family they might need to have security at the funeral. You wouldn't want them to be blindsided by unwanted paparazzi or possibly a relative who no one knew existed, if you get our drift. Think New York Times and these headlines: Mystery Child from Former Paramour Appears at Grave Side. This certainly would put a sordid twist on an already sad state of affairs. Valium would be needed in a hurry for the family members. Hint: Always have the family attorney handy to handle any of these unforeseen incidences.

Alas, select a funeral home that can handle large groups and has the finest line of caskets. We recommend bronze or carved solid mahogany. Preferably your casket should be in a sea of white roses or orchids. A gorgeous scene even through all those mourners' tears. And least you forget, remember always have a copper lined vault to protect one and all!

FLAUNT FLASH: The economy might have slowed down but not for the rich! Billionaire alert: You can now have a golden coffin equipped with a cell phone for a mere 280,000 euros. Now who you going to call? Ghost Busters? Sorry probably poor humor but we just couldn't resist. Puhleese a phone in the coffin? Even we at SOF think that is ridiculous! Are you a Mummy, with a checkbook in hand, in the casket? Next thing we know you will have a Pyramid built to house the entire family. Good luck with that idea.

So the Mummy idea is not appealing? Want cremation? No problem! Just retain the best. No tacky, cheap, little urns for you. We had a close personal friend who told us that as her Mother aged she would forget which urn had her husband's ashes in it and which one was the family dog. Which leads us to this question: Who did she love more, the dog or the husband, as both urns were approximately the same? We dare not go down that slippery slope.

Note: If considering Burial at Sea, preferably from a destroyer, this should never be a problem due to your political donations and connections. (See Lesson 10 regarding politics).

Mausoleums, grand mausoleums! Oh they are so nice and your entire family can eventually rest in peace together. Solid granite, plenty of marble, possibly a touch gold, bronze doors and stained glass windows are a must. Your final resting place should be as tasteful and beautiful as your every day life has been. In fact, why not have a party when construction is completed? Break a bottle of champagne over it and then go dancing. We love any excuse to have a party!

Now you know from our previous Lessons how important School of Flaunt thinks views are when selecting property. This goes for selecting your final resting place as well. We prefer the view or at least have a spot under a tree. (So good for photo-ops.)

If you are in doubt please visit Woodlawn Cemetery in New York. It is the Park Avenue of cemeteries. Such note worthy Industry Barons, as Astor, Borden, Woolworth and Westinghouse are in repose there. Take copious notes on the use of gargoyles and spires, exact copies of chapels from Europe and tombs built like temples. This will help your architect when designing your mausoleum. Remember you were a God or Goddess among mere mortals and the world will recognize this when they see your final resting place. We can feel ourselves tearing up at the very thought. Tissue please.

Grieving widows please remember, black, black, black and simple diamond jewelry. Always wear a black hat with veil and possibly a feather which will photograph nicely for the NY Times. In fact all family members should be in black, except for children under 12. We hesitate, but must mention NO DENIM. The Club won't allow it for the reception afterwards.

We would think this is a given but those presenting eulogies must be family, prominent members in the community or of VIP status. Please though remember the Staff in your will and invite them to the reading. They have been an integral part of your life!

A sordid story about eulogies: one "not" so grieving widow we knew, flew in a National Network Anchor and went on to describe ad nauseum, how she had met him! We heard you gasp, we did too. This deceased husband deserved a great send off not a "babbling" widow. Please do "not" try to make your dear family member's funeral ABOUT YOU!!

A final suggestion: a nice fly-by tribute from the Blue Angels would be outstanding, or if well timed those white doves released at the end of the service. Do make sure they are trained, you wouldn't want any surprise drippings on your guests. Perish the thought! Note: No balloon releases. So yesterday!

Lastly, may we recommend a version of an Irish wake! Yes, no matter what your nationality or religion, it's a great escape for your loved ones and friends, stunned by your tragic end! Let the Jameson flow and visions of trust funds dance through their heads! You were a wonderful provider to be sure!

Lesson Seventeen Quiz

1. What three things do you need to make a Baptism complete?

a. A Church

b. A Baby

c. A Tea Dance

d. Baptismal Gown in rare Belgian Lace

e. All of the above

ANSWER: E

2. Why do you want a Louis Vuitton Monogram Mini Lin at your baby's baptism?

a. It is the diaper bag of all diaper bags

b. Your nanny should only have the best

c. It includes a washable changing mat, address holder, key ring holder & two baby bottles

d. It is so reasonable at $2,200 that everyone should have one

e. All of the above

ANSWER: E Now this has to be total flaunt!

3. What is the most important ingredient for a beautiful wedding?

a. Love

b. Caterers

c. Bride and Groom

ANSWER: B

4. Which of the following should "nevah" be done at your daughter's wedding?

a. The "Chicken Dance"

b. Throwing the Bouquet!

c. Best Man Toast

ANSWER: A.....Are you thinking?

5.Which of the following is unacceptable behavior at an Irish wake?

a. Taking home movies

b. Alcoholic Beverages

c. Dancing

ANSWER: A

6. Sketch your family mausoleum or grave site below:

 

 

 

7. Give yourself extra credits if you have your trusts in order.

Here is the tacky tale of:

The Stingy Tycoon

By Scott Stump

TODAY.com contributor

In 1919, he was a greedy multimillionaire who didn't want to see his family get its hands on the vast fortune he'd amassed as a lumber baron.

But in 2011, Wellington R. Burt is the sort of generous benefactor who usually exists only in daydreams - the long-lost relative you never met who leaves you millions of dollars.

With the conditions of a strange will - which barred any money from his estate being distributed until 21 years after the death of his last grandchild - having been met, 12 of Burt's descendants split a fortune estimated at about $100 million. By 5 p.m. on Monday, each of those 12 became instant millionaires after Saginaw, Mich., County Chief Probate Judge Patrick McGraw ordered full distribution of the estate by that deadline.

It took 20 attorneys working together to get it done, and Citizens Bank Wealth Management, the estate's trustee, paid out the fortune on Monday.

What a JERK!

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