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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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The Wedding of the Century by Alexandra Smythe

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Wedding of the Century

Or

Gorgeous to OMG Gasp!

I think we can all say that Kate Middleton was the epitome of style, grace under pressure and certainly looked the part of a "fairy tale princess" who would be Queen! The soon to be Duchess radiated sophistication and warmth during her nuptials and afterwards. We at the School of Flaunt think the Royals should be turning cart wheels that she will be part of the family. Certainly will make their stock go up! In more ways than one, if you get our point. Thank you William for having such great taste in the woman that you chose to marry. But enough of the personal adulations.

Let's talk about fashion. We thoroughly approved of her gown designed by Sarah Burton who is Alexander McQueen's successor. Totally feminine while at the same time sophisticated with its corset top and beautiful long lace sleeves. The Cartier tiara was perfect along with the Robinson Pelham diamond earrings designed by her mother. Now to be honest we were not impressed by her veil. Seemed to be lacking something since it was perched on top of her head over a mound of hair. KISS, or keep it simple sweetheart, well it might have been too simple here. But she looked so lovely gazing through it who really cares!

Now we heard some "talking head" saying that Kate should have been dressed in her sister's dress. What was that moron thinking? Kate's sister's dress was simple as it should be and never took away from the bride. Isn't that how it is suppose to be? It is the Bride's day! Why would Kate want to be in a simple dress?

But let's get on to the guests:

Kitty Spencer obviously did not read the fine print on the wedding invitation! Remember sleeves on the dresses for women were mandatory. Kitty, HELLO! Next time read the fine print.

Then there were the "sister ugggglies." Yes, I said that. Sisters Eugenie and Beatrice, daughters of Prince Andrew and the infamous Fergie, looked like they should have stepped out of a cartoon book. Or maybe they are really related to the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonder Land! That would explain their hideous hats and overdone makeup! Thank God Fergie didn't accompany them. We can only imagine what that set of triplets (Mother and daughters) would have all looked like together. Can you imagine what their father, Prince Andrew, must have thought when those two showed up? Probably something not repeatable, such as, "Just wait till I get home and call their Mother, explicative deleted!"

And then there was HRH. What was going through her mind? Most likely something like this, "Thank you Lord for giving me the strength not to have invited their Mother! And if there is a next time for those girls, I want to see what they are planning on wearing before they come!" Or maybe it was just, "Off with their heads!"

Lastly, before I stop drinking my bowl of milk (meow) one final thought on Eugenie's dress, it made her look like she weighed 200 pounds. Maybe she wants to be the next Weight Watchers spokes person?

Now continuing merrily along. What's up with Princess Anne? Does she really enjoy looking matronly? Because if she does she's got it down perfect! Her hair looked like it was styled for the 1850's and then just to make sure you didn't forget that picture she plopped an ugly lavender hat, replete with a large lavender flower, right on the center of her head. I can hear you saying, "Oh, but it matched her floral jacket." Puh leese, she was dressed like the crazy Aunt you always try to keep in the kitchen during any party! But then she is the Aunt to the Sister Uggglies. What else would you expect? Stylist for Anne and her nieces please!

The brothers, William and Harry, looked absolutely dashing and handsome in their uniforms; which leads us to the Beckhams. What were they thinking? He should never have been wearing a medal on his suit. Totally inappropriate for this day! Plus everyone knows you wear your medals on the left hand side not on the right. Was he trying to start a fashion trend or was it just another "flaunt fashion faux pas?" Rules David, just like in soccer. And then there is the ever "never" smiling Victoria Beckham. My dear, if you are trying to start a clothing line the sack dress you were wearing is not going to make it. Calm down everyone, I know she is pregnant but it was just a "pure nothing in the design area!" Then you add that hat perched on her "forehead" and a pony tail. No, no, no, it was a total Flaunt Flop! Oh Philip Treacy you could have designed something so much more becoming for her. Please next time "be honest" with the woman. And just a thought, Victoria smile occasionally. Remember darlings we're here to help. Call us!

But everyone didn't need a do-over. Zara Philipps looked spectacular in a gun metal grey suit with a "FLAUNT FABULOUS" hat by again Philip Treacy. Princess Michael of Kent was gorgeous. Camilla looked well turned out in her wide brimmed Philip Treacy hat along with a flattering coat that matched her dress. The Mother of the bride, Carole Middleton looked tan and totally relaxed in her pale grey blue hat designed by Jane Corbeth which was perfectly color coordinated with her coat and dress. We think that there must have been a prior discussion of what they were going to wear so the pictures of the immediate families after the ceremony would look smashing! Lastly, HRH Queen Elizabeth looked so festive and happy in her yellow. She was perfect as always. Remember everyone needs to age gracefully. An icon at 85! Conservative yes but always well put together. As our friends say on the other side of the pond, "Brilliant."

So dear students of flaunt, remember just because someone has money doesn't mean they have taste. Consult your wardrobe consultant at Neiman's to put together that perfect outfit. They will happily lead you through those plush carpeted isles to the proper designer and put together that perfect look for you.

Until the next Royal wedding,

Alexandra Smythe

"Your Flaunt Style Maven"

Posted by: Jules Burgess
Thursday, July 7, 2011 @ 11:08:07 AM

Very well written . And absolutley spot on. Yours An impressed Englishman


Posted by: Nancy Gent
Wednesday, May 4, 2011 @ 7:20:49 AM

They look like TELLA-TUBBIES.

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