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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Shopping with LB: Lingerie anyone?

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Monday, March 14, 2011

Shopping with LB: Lingerie anyone?

The phone rang and it was LB? "What are you doing?" she said and continued on without bothering to wait for an answer. "I've got a discount coupon for 30% and Blah, Blah, Blah, store is having a lingerie sale on top of that. Are you in?"

I quickly replied, "What a ridiculous question! Should we meet at the store? Or do you want to get a bite to eat first? This could be a long afternoon."

After a five minute conversation about how there was road work leaving the community, I needed to go to the cleaners and she needed to stop at the pharmacy, we decided to meet at the store. Food was not a priority when it comes to a good discount! We could always celebrate our new purchases at a future lunch.

Forty five minutes later I arrive at the store and look for her oversized Benz in the parking lot. No LB! All I could think of was, "I hope she is here and didn't get waylaid by that other Blah, Blah, Blah store, window shopping, when she was going to the pharmacy." She is so easily distracted! Let's put it this way, punctuality is not one of her stronger suits.

Cell phone, cell phone, where is it? I sort through my gargantuan handbag, now mentally fuming over those designers who started this whole trend. Oh these handbags they are so frustrating but remember those Chanel bags with the double chains, those were even worse. God forbid that someone was trying to rob you. You just want them to take the damn thing and run off, not amputate your arm in the process!

But I digress. I finally found my phone in the bowels of Hell, otherwise called the bottom of my bag, and called LB as I was entering the store. She obviously checked the caller ID because she cheerily chirped, "I'm right around the corner. Don't panic. I've got the discount coupon with me." Since she knows my quirk of how I hate people being late I put that happy sound in my voice, "Wonderful, I'll see you in the lingerie department." At this point, I breathed a sigh of relief and mumbled under my breath, "Thank you, there is a God."

A few minutes later, like a Diva in her 4 inch Christian Louboutin heels, she comes strolling into the lingerie department with a slight smirk on her lips, purring "Let's get busy." As a small aside here, I have on my Mui Mui flats for shopping and she is in those heels. Thank God I'm tall or we would have looked like Mutt and Jeff. Yikes, I'm beginning to sound like my Mother. Who are Mutt and Jeff anyway?

We start to peruse the area when a sales clerk comes up to us with a tape measure in hand? Oh, she is no simple sales clerk but the Vanity Fair rep that was pushing their bras. "May I give you a fitting and suggest a new bra," she says with that charming smile, while casually lifting her tape measure up in the air.

LB laughs and says, "Well, I think I'm this size but my husband says, NO." Of course I'm standing behind this woman and trying not to laugh. To her credit she didn't crack under the pressure. You guessed it, LB was wrong and her husband was right.

So there we are in two dressing rooms, side by side, laughing and bantering back and forth over the divider. LB announces that she is trying on one of those slimming body stockings that hold everything in. You know the ones. You can't breathe, and God forbid don't even think about sitting down and eating in one of them. I can hear her jumping up and down and saying under her breath, "This is ridiculous." I start laughing and say, "Now that you got in it, can you get out of it?" Her reply, "I have two words for you and they aren't let's dance." Hmmm, wonder what everyone else was thinking in those adjoining dressing rooms? Oh who cares we were having a great time.

Well, two hours later and two bags full, with a tiny detour into the jewelry department; stop with the judging, we were only looking! We are now leaving the store and LB says, "I feel like we just had an Ab Fab day." "What? What is Ab Fab?" I ask. She laughs and says, "Let's go to your house and have a glass of wine. I'll tell you all about the Brit Ab Fab girls then."

Later as she is leaving my home she turns and gives me a peck on the cheek and says, "Today Emily Post met Ab Fab." She jumps in her Benz and puts down the window and says, "Darhling, Sweetie, I'll call you." And then she was off! I guess I must be Emily Post with a touch of Ab Fab now? Oh well, "Honey can you open up another bottle of wine? I've got to go Google Ab Fab and then call Cate."

XOXO,

Alexandra

 

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