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The School of Flaunt

Back when "Flying Was Fun" Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke were Flight Attendants with a Major International Carrier. Prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs!

What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and oh those terrible manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born. Read More

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Wills and Kate Set the Date

Category: SOF Divas’ Diaries ®  |  Permalink

Published: Thursday, November 18, 2010

Prince William and Kate Middleton are now engaged! We are so thrilled. Mummy has already called the Queen and Kate's parents to congratulate. A royal wedding "pumps us up" as they say! The shops have to already be ordering the obligatory tea towels, as well as the mugs and plates for the tourists!

It gets me thinking back to Charles and Diana's wedding. I was so jealous of my pal India getting to be a flower girl. I could not speak on the day I found out because I was so furious.

I totally remember this and I was barely four years old. I was literally throwing myself on the floor in my father's library, crying "Why, Why?" I drug my pudgy little self into the kitchen where our cook, Mrs. Flynn, sweetly patted me on the head and told me she could get me into the royal wedding party.

Momentarily I was appeased but as we got closer to the big event and my dress fittings were not scheduled, I became skeptical. When push came to shove, Mrs. Flynn confessed she had "not" gotten me into the actual wedding party, so it was decided we would put on our own wedding version at our home.

I wore the fanciest dress and followed Mummy down the grand staircase to "marry" Daddy. Our head butler, James, officiated. Mummy had flowers everywhere and our wedding breakfast was held in the dining room with all the staff and friends we could scrape up. It was wonderful. The grownups drank champagne and we children ran around the estate getting our "party clothes" very dirty. A good time was had by all.

Little did I know this was the weekend prior to the Big Event?

The following weekend Mummy and Daddy snuck out to the wedding of the decade for Charles and Diana, leaving me behind with a new pony. Later, they could not comment on the event as if I had learned the truth about their attendance it might have thrown me into psychoanalysis.

To this day, I still think that I should have had a shot as India had. Even as a youngster, I was poised and theatrical, cute and endearing. I could smile my way down that aisle like no other four year old. Perhaps they thought I would steal some of Diana's thunder? Hmmm.

So it got me thinking. How could I play a part in this Royal Wedding?

Since Flower Girl and Maid of Honor are out of the question, this is what I have come up with:

Wedding Planner Assistant?

Wedding Party Planner Assistant?

Fireworks Display Designer?

Floral Designer Assistant?

Chef: Sous Chef, whatever that is?

Wait Staff? This is a possibility, however I have no experience and who knows what tray I would spill?

Clearly I am grasping here. But I do want IN. I mentioned this to Mummy and she went straight for the Boodles. She forbade me to don a uniform and go to work in catering.

Mumsy went on to say our entire familia would be invited to the event and I should shut my trap. Her final comment was, "what are you thinking?" before she slammed the phone down.

I have to admit that I have vast wedding experience as I have been married, cough, more than twice. I hate to appear desperate, but God forbid if Mummy is wrong and I'm not on the Guest list and India is! I will surely die! If you have any ideas for me please comment.

Dear Wills, Dear Kate, I am here for you. Call me. You have my mobile, please?

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